When the World is on Your Shoulders
by JacksTortugaLass
Summary: When it's all too much for him to handle, she comes. Desmond and Penny fic.


Author's Notes: Based on the lyrics "Bring it on Home" by Little Big Town because it seemed so fitting for Desmond and Penny.

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There were moments, or days really, he couldn't tell the difference anymore, when there would be a shift, something slight but it would be there all the same. He would look up from whatever he had been doing earlier be it the laundry, or cleaning the dishes, or entering the code, and she would be there. Her face. Her smile. Her hands. Her hope.

Her face would be what he saw when he opened his eyes at the alarm sounding. When his first reaction would be to turn over and let the world go to hell, his eyes would meet hers and he would stand. It would give him a glow that filled his heart with hope. Hope that he wasn't alone, that she was here for him, always. That this wasn't the end, and that he could do this. One step at a time.

Just watching her smile he felt everything melt away. All his worries would fall off his shoulders, as if he had the world there. In reality the world was on his shoulders, but he would store that aside, trying not to think about it. But it would somehow sneak into his consciousness, only to have it come crushing down on him during a time when he should be doing something more pressing. Her smile would calm him down, allowing the breaths to come easier and his eyes to regain focus on what he was doing.

Those hands would be the pull he needed to go and sit down at the computer, to enter the code and to hit execute. Her fingers would slide on top of his, helping him press the button when he felt that he no longer had the strength to even look at the bloody thing.

There were times when he was tempted to just drown himself, either in the shower or outside. He always thought of running out the door and standing in the waves, breathing in deep while they washed over him. Once, he did leave, immediately after pressing the button he ran out. He positioned himself in the shallow waters, wanting to wade further but something was holding him back. She would follow him there, standing in front of him asking why. He would try to explain that the pressure was too much, that being so alone was making him lose his mind. Wasn't he just talking to himself when he thought that she was standing there? She would laugh and shake her head, laying a hand against his arm and say that she was always with him, even now.

His senses seemed to be sharper when she was around. He could hear the clock run down and know when the alarm was about to sound. He took his time with things now, allowing time to pass without a worry. Or at least, not as many worries as he did when she wasn't there.

He took longer showers because he knew that if he did have to run to the button, she wouldn't mind in the slightest. A blush would form as he came back to the bathroom, finding her holding out a towel in greeting.

There were days where he was tempted to just stay at the computer all day long and not do anything but wait. He even thought of sleeping there, in that blasted old computer chair instead of wasting energy to walk the few feet to the bunk. She would lead him there, seemingly against his will. He even tried to turn back, explain that it was foolish to even try to sleep, for in just an hour and a few minutes he would have to get up again. Laying him down, she simply smiled at his ramblings, brushing a strand of hair out of his eyes and saying that she would stay with him until he fell asleep.

He would often wake a few moments later, frightened that she had left him, that he had slept through the alarm somehow, or something else that caused a deep pain in his heart only to wake and find her lying next to him, asking why he always did this. He would laugh, mostly out of relief as she laid her head on his chest, telling him that the button didn't need to be pressed for a few more moments.

And then he would blink for the second time, the shift would happen again, and instead of moving in his favor, it would move against him, and she would be gone. His hand would reach out, half expecting hers to come from inside the shower and pull him in with her. His ears would strain for the sound her laugh, her voice. His hands ached for hers as he went around his tasks. And yet, even though she wasn't there, he could still feel her. Closing his eyes as he prayed, he smiled softly, "I love you, Pen."


End file.
